Redstick SF

For some reason, I get the sense that this particular zombie drives a tricked-out Honda Civic with a muffler/exhaust mod and neon underbody lights.

Despite being a huge college football fan (and sports fan in general), I never write about sports here. There are plenty of blogs out there that do that and do it extremely well. But this week’s amazing, nearly apocalyptic finish to the college football regular season got me thinking that maybe the topic isn’t so irrelevant to the blog.

How can LSU, a team that lost twice to teams who finished out of the top 25, who lost both times it was ranked no.1 during the regular season, who lost just last week(!), how can that team now find itself in the national title game, as it does, against Ohio State University?

The answer? They’re zombies.

That’s right. You can blather on and on about their strength of schedule or the fact that their only two losses came in triple OT, but the only explanation that makes any sense is that the Tigers are driven by an insatiable lust for brains…and the national title.

The Kentucky game, early as it was in the season, was like lobbing off an arm or leg. Sure the zombie walks in circles, menacing circles perhaps. But if movies have taught us anything, it’s that, given time, you’ll eventually find em crawling back up the stairs…or into the No. 1 ranking.

Finally, we all thought the Razorbacks, Boss Hawg (Houston Nutt), and Darren McFadden had delivered the dolorous stroke. McFadden was, we were told, humanity advanced. Like a bad horror flick, it was only a shot to the chest. Standing over the carcass (assumed dead), the male lead starts comforting the Jamie Lee Curtis character.

“Yeah, baby, it’s all over now. We can go on with our lives.”

Then BAM! Jacob Hester’s running down the field for 10+ yards.

Jacob Hester, no. 18, senior running back.

How many times have we seen it? And it still happens. So, what do you do if you’re Ohio State? Take a cue from some of the landmarks of the genre (Any of Romero’s Dead movies, 28 Days Later, Shaun of the Dead): destroy the brain.

Finding it? Good luck.

Is Miles hiding a zombie master-brain under that cap? You be the judge.